Limericks

There was a young lady called Pam
Whose inbox was clogged up with Spam;
Not offers of thrills
Or counterfeit pills
But inches of glistening ham

There was a young airman called Sam
Whose diet consisted of Spam
When asked if he would
Eat healthier food
He reached for the strawberry jam

There was a young girl from Tahiti
Whose body was firm fresh & miti;
She lay on the sand
With a conch in her hand
While Gauguin portrayed her naiveti

A cultured young lady called Jean
Opined on the Modernist scene...
"Stockhausen's a stinker
"& i do not dig Glinke
"But i never say no to Fokine

There was a young scholar named Trimble
Whose mind was both well-stocked & nimble;
Her starters for 10
Charmed all the young men
& soon she was Oxford's Sex Simble

A scholar called Trimble did know
A Corpus of knowledge ~ but lo !
Her team-mate Sir Kay
Threw caution away
By Quitting the Quad not the Show

There was a young man from Samoa
Whose wife was a bit of a Goa;
She partied til dawn
And lay on the lawn
Where lots of the chaps got to Noah

There was a young man from Mumbai
Who filled up his Thermos with chai;
He said to his Guru " i'm off to Uluru "
My Karma is bust ~
I shall fly

There was a young man from Calcutta
Who talked to himself like a nutta;
When asked to explain
He mumbled again
And ran off to hide in the gutta

There was a young lady called Floss
Whose armpits were covered in Moss;
She laboured in vain
To feel smooth again
And looked just like Jonathan Ross

There was a young lady from Spain
Who married again and again;
When asked to divorce
She said "Yes of course ;
"To stay with you wouldn't be sane"

There was a young lady from Stroud
Whose screams were amazingly loud;
When pleasured by Bill
On Robinswood Hill
They heard her in Betws-y-Coed