Sunday, 11 March 2012


So Auroleus Phillipus Theophrastus
Bombastus von Hohenheim
born 1493
better known as Paracelsus
you went to Uni aged 16 in Basle
which is in Switzerland to study
alchemy, surgery and medicine
having lived in the mining region of Carinthia
where you studied minerals and springs
under the guidance of your
failed doctor dad
you were forced out of Basle
in your twenties due to
your interest in necromancy
you visited many European
countries in the next seven years
and ended up in Constantinople
where the secret of the alkahest
was revealed to you by
an arabian master
eventually you returned to Basle
to become a professor where your
rejection of the works of Galen and your
use of minerals to cure diseases
caused you to be cast out again;
you ended up in Salzburg under
the protection of the Prince Palatine
who was a great fan of alchemy,
but you died in 1541 aged only 48
you named zinc, although you called it zink
you provided your patients with
talismans engraved with angelic names
these are not available on the NHS
you were brought up on cheese, milk and oatcakes
among the pine-cones
you invented the opium based medicine laudanum
you used metals such as antimony to treat internal diseases
such as silicosis in the miners of Austria
and mercury for syphilis, gout, leprosy, and ulcers
you were an expert botanist
and used plants such as black hellebore
to treat arteriosclerosis
you wrote endless treatises which are
pretty unreadable tbh even in translation

your motto was
Alterius non sit qui suus esse potest

For you the number seven was special
Seven planets
seven metals
seven major organs in the body
seven brides
seven brothers
no that was me hehehe
everything in the universe is related

your catchphrase was
Alle Ding' sind Gift, und nichts ohn' Gift;
allein die Dosis macht, daß ein Ding kein Gift ist.

to sum up you were the most successful
practical physician and surgeon of your age
which was not all that difficult really
you based your treatments on close
observation of minerals and plants
and many of them worked despite
the mumbo-jumbo you insisted on

your lack of social skills and
dependence on alcohol
may have been symptoms
of asperger's and they
prevented you from settling
down to a sensible career
as a distinguished academic

you invented the word gas
and never married

someone has made a
board game of you

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