Saturday, 12 May 2012

The fat of the land

it's not my fault you know
i have always been a big girl
it must be my genes i think
although i am not really sure
what genes are, i'm not a boffin
i'm a people person always have been
always will be just ask my mates
it's wrong for skinny posh cows
to make out that we are stupid
and greedy because we are size 20s
blokes round here like a bit of meat
on their lasses "reet cuddly" they call me
no i don't weigh myself every day
i'm comfortable with the way i am
and anyway diets do not work for me
what do you mean i am morbidly obese ?
you don't know what it's like round here
i enjoy my food... of course i do not eat rubbish
it's all traditional english food, none of
your foreign muck, yes i have a chinky on
fridays but that's different of course
my kids love the food i give them
and they are growing up big and strong
no they are not obese that is normal
for kids round here how dare you
of course they don't go out you
can't let your kids run around outside
these days what with the pedos and that
anyway they do pe at school no they don't
go every day shannon has school phobia
and river is on ritalim for his syndrome
it's better if they stay here with me and
watch telly at least i know where they are
and when their dads or uncles come round
they go out to mcdonalds and have a proper
meal with a milkshake and everything
and then we go to the boozer and have
a right laugh well yeah they are on their own
technically but shannon is nine now and
old enough to look after river and anyway
uncle dermot will pop in to see them
no he's not their real uncle but he's
really good with them and helps me
out with the housekeeping each week
we look out for each other round here
it is a great place to raise a family

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