Sunday, 29 January 2012

Ode to Countdown

Of all the daily weekday shows
That jostle for the housewives' favour
None can compare with thy boreal charm
Beloved alike of sophomore and gammer
Countdown thou foster-child of crosswords and tea time
Transplanted from Lutetia to the
Howling Pennine Wastes in 1982
Since then over five thousand
Times the letters and numbers
Have been pondered by eager
Contestants who vie for meagre
Prizes such as a dictionary
Or a thesaurus ~ Mammon
Is left to the following show
"Dill or no Dill"
Hosted by a Mr Edmonds
Where guests bet on the
Contents of salmon canapes
Thy gritty Northern aspect was
Cultivated by Ms Vorderman
And Mr Whiteley
Wetwang's quondam Mayor
But since their passing gentler
Voices have been heard
Reading the vowels and
Consonants or twitting
The Lady of the Lexicon
The fragrant Mistress Dent
An undercurrent of anarchy
Surfaces from time to time
When rude words are formed
And tittered over;
The notorious conundrum
LARGE BAPS has entered
The realm of legend
Thy picture aspect was
Changed from 4:3
To 16:9 in 2002
No I don't know either;
Perhaps it made Carole
Originally there were
Separate ladies for the
Letters and the Numbers;
Kathy chose the vowels
And Beverley the digits
Carole purged them both
And reigned supreme until
She was in turn ousted in
The Great Pay Cut of 2008;
Since then her tasks have
Been performed admirably
By upmarket blonde Rachel
Whose 2:1 in Maths trumps
Carole's 3rd in Engineering;
In 2009 Rachel was ranked #95 in
FHM's 100 Sexiest Women poll
Which is quite enough for
My simple needs;
She can give me
Two from the top and
Four from anywhere else
Whenever she liketh;
It is time to move on
~now stands the clock
At ten past three
And here is Countdown
With my tea

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