Sunday, 29 January 2012

Mate in three

Sixty four squares
Half black
Half white
Sixteen pawns
Four rooks
Four knights
Four bishops
Two queens
Two kings
Two minds
Locked in battle
Seeking to destroy
The enemy politely;
The game of kings
The king of games
Unleash your inner warlord
See the defences crumble
As your sacrifices are accepted
And the battle swings your way
Hidden traps are sprung
Knights deftly attack
From the safety of their
Offset squares
Rooks commanding
Ranks and files
Bishops sliding
On their episcopal hypotenuse;
The games begin with well-trodden
Sequences of moves
Endless openings pored over
By speccy geek boys
The English
The Sicilian
The Nimzo-indian
The Ruy Lopez or Spanish
The Reti
The Pirc
The Gioco Piano
The Mughal
Actually I made
That one up
As you can imagine
Chess attracts the
Obsessive Asperger
Type of failure male
Whose encyclopedic
Knowledge of openings
And variations is matched
Only by his lack of
a) hygiene
b) success with the opposite sex
If you do not wish to
Spend your leisure time
With these unfortunates
Then why not play
Against a computer ?
I combined smartphone
Chess with exercise biking
At the gym until the
Manageress curtailed
My harmless fun
Just like the Taleban
So I now read novels
Until the council
Bans reading

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