Friday, 25 May 2012

Full English

In the silent lonely café
Of the council leisure centre
Sat the grim faced zumba teacher
Teacher of the fabled zumba
She has just been given bad news
Never more will do her lessons
In the mirrored zumba chamber
Never more will pump the music
Tinchy Stryder S Club 7
Making sweaty lycra cuties
Bump and grind and shake their booties
So she orders final breakfast
Stick the diet up their ass hole
Four fried eggs and thirty mushrooms
Sixteen bangers nice and fatty
Fried bread dripping naughty juices
Pudding black she's no excuses
Hash browns bacon toast and butter
Let the council fascists mutter
If they want to axe the zumba
She will make the bastards suffer
Bring me more baked beans and waffles
Now she's feeling quite abnormal
Tea with sugars nineteen twenty
Zumba lady sweats and reddens
Still she shovels further portions
Lycra cannot hold much longer
Soon the tipping point is coming
She slips in a final sausage
Heart attack has struck the lady
Now the ambulance is wailing
Throbbing music from the siren
Men in jumpsuits pump in rhythm
It's like zumba thinks the lady
As she floats away to heaven
Later grim faced council bosses
Clad in burton suits and glasses
Offer insincere condolence
Special cleaning squads are working
Cleaning up the lycra horror
From the floors and walls and ceiling
Of the leisure centre café
Paramedics torn asunder
By exploding gut of zumba
Methane gas from beans and bangers
Formed a lethal combination
Set off by defibrillation
Now the council elf & safety
Recommend a change of menu
Continental are the breakfasts
Never more the English fullness
Banished beans and bacon badness
Never more the sausage madness
So what lessons can we garner
From this gruesome tale of woe ?
Zumba teachers do have feelings;
If you have to let them go
Make them leave the freaking building
Do not feed them...just say no

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