Friday, 20 April 2012


Every morning the
Ritual is repeated
Day in day out
Winter Spring
Summer Fall
Apply handwash
Pumped into palm
To cheeks & chin
Grasp disposable
Twin blade razor
In left hand and
Scrape downwards
Leaving stylish beard
Marooned amidst
Smooth pink skin
At the half way point
Clear debris with an
Old toothbrush to
Leave blades hungry
For the other moiety
Occasionally blood is
Shed and requires
Firm pressure with
Tissue to staunch
The flow; coppery
Taste on probing
At school we had
To learn the clotting
Cascade of prothrombin
Fibrinogen antithrombin
And goodness knows what
Ending up in a scab of
That sounds like a
Daunting health cereal
Usually the shaving proceeds
Without incident and the
Soapy residue is washed
Away under the shower;
Some days shaving is
Performed in the car
With sun tan lotion
Pressed into service
As face lubricant
In some lonely layby;
I have tried electric
Shavers but they
Do not wake you
Up in the same way
That the wicked blades
Of the razor do; there
Is no danger associated
With the Phillips; even
The name sounds safe;
Glasgow gangs never
Armed themselves with
The Braun Synchron Plus;
I am happy with Tesco
3p razors rather than
The four bladed monsters
From Gillette or Wilkinson;
Aloe vera strips are not for
Me, neither do i bother
With Old Spice or Aramis
After shave; they sting
Like buggery and cost
A packet;
Instead i prefer bottles
From the 99p shop
With names like Rock
Star or Pulse or Throb
If you wish to save
Money you can use
The testers discreetly
And leave the emporium
In a cloud of dodgy
Fragrance completely

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