in the castle: advent

Mama ?
Yes Fonseca ?
Why do we have an Advent calendar each year ?
It is to celebrate the coming of Our Saviour child
But Mama in the market they call them Chocolate Calendars
There is no mention of Our Saviour or His Coming
Why is that Mama ?
I have warned you about the market Fonseca
They allow all kinds of people to sell their wares there
And nowadays even the lowest creatures may purchase
In my day only respectable citizens were admitted
And the calendars ?
Well child people's minds have been poisoned by
The minions of the Evil One
Who broadcast filth and shame through the idiot's lantern
Do you mean the Corporation of Beeblezub Mama ?
Indeed child
And they expect people to pay for the privilege !
Mama all my friends have these lanterns
Golgotha even has one in her bedchamber
That would not surprise me child
And the calendars ?
Well these minions of the Fallen Angel
Naturally do all in their power
To discredit their Enemy
Who is Our Saviour and Righteous Stronghold
And to remove all references to Him
Wherever they can exert their malign influence
Thus the Advent calendars
Which are a simple way of turning
Men's minds to the coming of Light
Are recast as a tawdry commercial tool
To celebrate wretchedness and greed
As befits the Servants of Darkness
Is this why even respectable emporia
Have replaced Christmas with Holidays
And Easter with Celebration ?
I fear so child
Darkness bestrides the land
We must resist
Yes Mama
May i listen to the wireless ?
Very well child
But not Woman's Hour

in the castle: flood

Mama ?
Yes Amanita ?
Is it true that the inundation
Is retribution for my wickedness ?
Who spake thus child ?
Agaric the druid's son heard
His father talking privily in the grove
Agaric says that i may need to be sacrificed
To appease the Great River Mother
I am sure that we can find a workaround child
Boletus owes me big time
And would not risk his secrets
Being revealed
What has Boletus done Mama ?
Hush child these are sensitive matters
Which are best kept hidden
Did you never wonder why your
Hair is red as the rosehip
The selfsame hue as Agaric
Candida and Chanterelle
The druid's children ?
Mama !
It was many years ago child
When your father was away
Pursuing the questing beast
Beyond the Waste of Beeb
In those days Boletus was
A fine looking man whose
Fiery eyes and tangled beard
Turned the heads of many
Young ladies in the shire
But he chose me for his ritual
To fructify the fields and orchards
Mama !
I will not burden you with the details child
Suffice it to say that the harvest
That year was of unprecedented bounty
Now we must proceed apace
With our preparations child
The vessel is nearly complete
And the first creatures are already aboard
May i bring Quince and Medlar Mama ?
Of course child
In our new home we shall need serpents
To hallow the temple precincts
But the mongoose stays
Mama i cannot be parted from Osborne
Then you must stay and take your chances
I hate you Mama
Belvedere
Now
But the belvedere is under water Mama
By the six ballocks of Betelgeuse
You will be the death of me Amanita
So Osbo can come ?
Thank you Mama
You are totes awesome
Whatever

behold the armorial escutcheon of the Châtelaine of the Castle

in the castle: heraldry

Mama ?
Yes Euterpe ?
Why is there a badger on your escutcheon ?
It is not a badger child
It is a waterbear rampant
And the fish and flowers ?
We see three luces bottony
Per pale on a field or
And twelve fleurs gentil azure
Per fess engrailed with five molets tenne
Whatever Mama
Heraldry is a noble art Euterpe
And should not be mocked
Sorry Mama
But all of these poncy words
Are doing in my melon
Where do you learn such uncouthness child ?
Let me guess
Hayloft ?
Stable boy ?
She shoots she scores
Well young lady no more adventures
In the fodder store
Until your attitude improves
You are banned from the livery yard
Until the next triple moon
Harsh Mama harsh
Remind me of the current oaf ?
Since you imprisoned Dwayne last week
The stable boy has been the gorgeous Baz
He is half Afric and half Cipango
And all man
He can ride a horse facing backwards
And speaks to them in their own tongue
He knows the secrets of oriental pleasure
And his velvet skin is adorned with tattoos
Indeed child
I shall inspect them before his flogging
Mama Baz has done no harm
He is very careful
And does not deserve your wrath
I shall visit the hayloft and
Speak with this Baz myself
Perhaps he may convince me
To spare him
Mama !
It is an employer's duty
To ensure that the staff
Are functioning satisfactorily
Yes Mama
To the belvedere child
Antares is on the cusp of Rigel
We must imbricate forthwith
Yes Mama

behold Princess Melaena awaiting the arrival of the escaped stable boys beyond the Tower of Sorrow

in the castle: nosegay

Mama ?
Yes Hetaera ?
Why dost thou gather these divers florets ?
Speak not like unto a div child
Sorry Mama it was for the lulz
The Austin Powers ?
Well child these are lungwort
They help to keep your bosoms sprightly
And this is eglantine for clear eyesight
Here is spiderwort to avert the evil eye
Willowherb to quell unnatural desires
And wormwood to promote sleep
And this purple one Mama ?
Why that is snakeroot
And what is its use Mama ?
It helps ladies with their woe
Mama ?
More questions child ?
The stable boy likes to smoke an curious herb
In his onyx pipe
He let me try it in the hayloft
And i felt singular Mama
I see child
Redknapp shall depart tomorrow
But Mama he is so kind to me
And makes me feel complete
With his manly ways
Nonsense child he shall be replaced
Would you prefer a blond one ?
You choose this time Mama
Make haste Hetaera
We must take these plants
To the apothecary
Before the occultation of the third moon
So that he may distil them
And derive tinctures
While they are fresh and puissant
Yes Mama
I do not like the apothecary Mama
His skin is mildewed
And he smells of seaweed
Once he showed me a dried snake
Where is the harm in that child ?
No doubt you will smell odd
At the age of two hundred and
Twelve
Yes Mama

behold the simple pleasures of the charcoal burners in the Silent Forest